Developments and considerations

Brian is down for the weekend and since I couldn’t think of a way to hide him from my mother, I broke down and informed her of his multi-day (which requires sleeping) visit. She took it rather well, asking me if I thought I was gay and announcing that if I were, she would hang herself. (Which, as you could imagine, was a very stupid thing to say, since if I were, I would still want her to live—she raised me well in that regard.)

In more exciting and serious developments, I’ve discovered the wonders of Facebook. Since I joined the fad, I’ve received several emails from lost Livingston connections (aka friends of convenience). But on Tuesday, one Facebook message threw me off my chair. My first girlfriend from 8th grade messaged me! She’s a year younger and will attend Cornell in September.

We’re cutting “Luske -Volsky” down to an hour, and Brian has been accepted to the July 13- Clinton D.C. conference (we’ll be staying with Clara). The very first season of Roseanne is coming to a Wal-Mart near you on August 30th and Clara is pressuring me to leave Marist (since, she says, without Bree, the radio station might go under)—I’m not jumping the gun but there are some things I must consider.

Advisor/Technician to WMAR 'let go' (sorry Jeremy no follow-up interviews)

I had just come off a good Friday show. I checked my email and opened what seemed like a harmless "webcast, site" subjected message from the radio advisor...

"the new site looks great. i was having trouble accessing the audio parts though. i wonder if marist is doing some network stuff? check it out and let me know maybe it's my computer only. you may hear that i was let go by the college. i'll tell you the story on that later."

I had just seen him on Sunday, and all seemed well. He recently bought a house, took on a mortgage and began publishing research. What happened in the course of a single week? I don't know... but I'll find out. I owe a lot to my advisor, and I wish him the best. Much more on this later.

This week was consumed by work decisions and conference arrangements. As I've written before, I was recently hired to be a behavioral assistant, helping troubled kids. I've been assigned three cases (although I have yet to meet with any of them) and could financially (and eventually) make the full leap from SleepTech.

But several factors must be considered: (1) SleepTech is more stable, work is always available (2) but it is also a very restrictive environment-- no loud laughing or noises. I've been told to bottle my enthusiasm, and not for retail either.

Behavioral assistance seems more flexible and enjoyable. But I'm not sure if it's constant. Perhaps I'll wet my feet with these initial cases, ensure that I like the work, and then hand SleepTech my resignation.

One thing I'll miss is the drama. SleepTech is full of characters. From the annoying secretary with a box fetish (she can't pass a box without opening it or wanting to open it), to the snotty human resources manager who can't stop talking about her children (in a very condescending manner), SleepTech would make quite the sitcom. My co-worker Nancy and I have been hard at work at a manuscript and a resignation would most certainly put a damper on the project.

In other news... Brian and I are slated to attend the Bill Clinton conference in July. But Brian's application is still under consideration, no decision has been made-- and it's been weeks. The matter is time sensitive. I have to take days off from work (as does Brian) and make plans to visit with Clara (a dear friend who is currently interning in D.C.). If he's rejected (which I can't imagine happening) I'll have to go alone, if I go at all.

That’s all for now. More on the advisor and my very disturbing conversation with Clara will be forthcoming (and yes, it is about my sexuality-- which believe it or not... was in question! Apparently, I'm "enthusiastic and excitable" enough to raise questions...). Details to follow.

Business, tv and coffee

I attended nice party for Mary's friend Sarah last night--we had lots of free New-Hampshire type things and everyone had a good time. (I brought Krispy Kreme Doughnuts.) Mary and I took one car-- with the understanding that she was our designated driver. Having had her fun, Mary has since cut back on activity and is now "49-years-old and in search of a husband."

Which reminds me...

My desire to attend a wedding has forced me to open my first business: "Husbands for Mary Inc." Eligible bachelors, apply here. We should pitch this love search idea to MTV, it's quiet original. Maybe they'll even film the wedding... 'heck, even I'd marry Mary to be on MTV'.... (yes, that's the sales pitch...)

But old habits die hard and we stayed the night. Which was fine and dandy since I got to watch MTV's NEXT dating show. The off-sceen host (all you heard was a narration voice, much like Mary Alice in Desperate Housewives-- and we all know what happened to her) kicks things off with a rhetorical question--"Ever wish you could bail in the middle of a bad date? NEXT is the new MTV show that lets you do just that. We'll set you up on 5 dates. The minute you get annoyed, just say "NEXT."-- and the game begins.

The contestants' scripted lines are as ridiculous as the quotes in our country lyric roundup. But, like Desperate Housewives, this show is the ultimate guilty pleasure-- especially in New Hampshire (I'm so stealth... even I don't understand my own insinuations). Check your local listings for date and time and stay tuned for Personal Thought's NEXT Roundup. (I can see the website traffic soaring now...)

Lots to get to today-- the FASFA, a Blockbuster movie and my 2 Averatecs. Should I return this new one? Maybe I should set up a poll and let you (all 8-10 of you) decide... but first, off to Dunkin' Donuts for love.

Can't move past it

I wanted something fresh and exciting-- I'm tired of the old boring earth tone colors and lines. Hope the spheres aren't too distracting. We can always change the template.

My thanks to everyone who participated in the monthly (what will become the monthly) country music round-up. 'Drugs or Jesus' won by one vote (out of three.. but that's okay this feature will catch on soon enough...).

I'm starting to question the wisdom (my parents have always argued against the idea) of driving to Marist and hosting the radio show during the summer. Perhaps I'm in a lazy stupor, but the commute (and even some of the content) is turning into a drag. I seem to have lost my motivation-- as you could surmise by checking the date of the latest post on the political blog.

It's difficult to justify a four-hour (weekly) commute. I don't know how many listeners I have and I'm getting tired of the same trite talking points, topics and guests. The Luske-Volsky Show remains guestless (due to our late live air time) while Political Thought is still a one-man operation. The difficulty of technically running the program while simultaneously hosting it jeopardizes program content and quality.

In a span of 60 seconds, I must rush to archive the proceeding segment, call my next guest, re-adjust all volumes etc... I don't even have the luxury of 10 seconds to gather my thoughts and muster out a comprehensive segment introduction. Bottom line: if I can't do a quality show, then I won't do a show.

On Thursday, Kate (my 3rd Kinnelon-based friend. Back in high school Kate termed our 3-person group 'the tribal council') asked the Russian Taxi Service (me) to pick her up at the bus stop. She interns at Coach and was coming home from the city. I hadn't seen her since the time I got lost looking for the lake, trying to virtually smoke cigarettes with Jeremy, and literally jumped at an opportunity to catch up with her.

On the ride to Veggie Heaven (our mutual restaurant of choice, something my college friends will experience during our July gathering. Incidentally, Brian might be coming down the last weekend in June.) I filled Kate in on the latest "personality developments." She agreed with the pack.

I desperately attempted to name a single apolitical college relationship, but was unable to do so and conveniently fell back on Terry's positive assessment. She highlighted his age (sorry Terry) and dismissed his comments. ("Yes Igor, older people will not be intimidated and pushed away by the politics... we have to focus on your peers!")

I had to give in-- my self-image (as a not very political, open and approachable person) contrasts greatly with how I am perceived. But Kate came to the rescue and concocted a 3-point action plan to shake off the discrepancies. Tofu, hot tea and pancakes can be very energizing. Here is the basic break-down: (1) stop talking about politics (2) become well-versed in other topics (3) form new apolitical hobbies/interests. (This I've already begun to do, as demonstrated by my New Hampshire get-away).

I have to divide my political halve (A-J) from the rest of my personality (J-Z). Hence the new screen name (IgorToZ), blog layout and picture. (To contrast sharply with the political website). These changes are cosmetic. Deeper personal growth (in other areas outside of politics) will require an abandonment (to some degree, for the time being) of greater political ambitions.

The show, the blog, and the book will all slow down. I had thought that they would bring me satisfaction. Instead, they moved towards isolation. I have pushed my family away and boxed myself into a single-person cell. It's time for me to break out of the shell and step out of my comfort zone.

In technology news, I bought another Averatec laptop with the thought of "borrowing" its Startup-cds and using them to re-boot my broken laptop. Funny thing is, Avaretec has stopped manufacturing external disks, instead they've decided to internalize them!

When I opened the new laptop box, I saw the following messsage (written on paper shaped like a disk)

"Looking for Your Instant Recovery Software? When you need it, it's there. No
need to locate a recovery CD to restore your software settings, it's already
pre-installed on our notebook hard rive."

I'm stuck with a broken laptop and a new "barrowed" (I have 15 days to return it) computer I must be very careful with (if I want a full refund). I just can't win.

Country music, a source of endless entertainment

This will become a regular feature on the blog-- the country-lyric roundup! It all started with set-painting and Tim McGraw's Drugs or Jesus:

Everybody just wants to get high
Sit and watch a perfect world go by
We're all looking for love and meaning in our lives We follow the roads that lead us To drugs or Jesus

Tonight I turned on Jay Leno and heard his colleague, Toby Keith. Keith's latest song rivals even Jesus. Below is "As Good as I Once Was," for your consideration--

i aint as good as i once was i got a few years on me now but there was a time
back in my prime when i could really lay it down and if you need some love
tonight then i might have just enough i aint as good as i once was but im as
good once as i ever was

Toby comments on the song: "Probably my favorite song on the album...The first verse is about being with a woman, two is about fighting, and three is saying don't sell me short because I'll surprise you. "

Here is an audio sample: listen (Real Player required)
Don't forget to take the poll on the right!

Before I go to bed...

Three more things (in order of importance):

1. I just explained to my 11 year old brother what a tampon is/does (a link for the confused)
2. If you liked Memento, you'll love Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
3. I joined The Facebook

Scottish shake-up

I got a new job-- in addition to or in place of my coveted SleepTech position, we'll see. It pays better and the work is more enjoyable. I'll be employed as a behavioral assistant (I believe...). How can one become a behavioral assistant when he himself needs assistance? We're about to find out. More on this as it develops.

At SleepTech I received a call from Mr. Chomsky (a.k.a. Terry). After admitting his igorvolsky.com blog addiction, Terry diagnosed me with MPD (multiple personality disorder). The diagnosis was grounded in personal experience, not medical knowledge. (Although Terry has worked in the medicinal field for the past 3-4 years, his experience extends only to sleep apnea data entry.)

The blog, according to Terry, is too serious and self reflective. I'm a lot more fun in person. (Let’s hope so.) He disagreed with Brian's (and everyone else's assessment-- this might be because he's foreign) tacit and implicit critique of my personality. I'm "goofy" he said, not serious and academic.

This got me thinking. Why is it that Terry found me more outgoing than my other friends? Our interaction rarely transcended the prison confines of the SleepTech administrative offices, yet he placed J-Z (fun and outgoing) ahead of A-J (serious and studious). I found his analysis both refreshing and incredulous.

Consider the following lyrics:

"Well, we all have a face that we hide away forever. And we take them out and
show ourselves when everyone has gone. Some are satin, some are steel, Some are
silk and some are leather. They're the faces of a stranger, But we'd love to try
them on."

The above was sung to me on my way to David's karate studio. Could I be putting on a different face for Terry (and others)? Am I more serious around others? I would characterize myself in Terry's terms-- but most don't and won't. Why is that? (And why the heck am I so concerned about how other people see me?-- I agree with Terry, so the heck with everyone else.) Enough of this self-analysis crap. Even I'm getting sick of it. (Dr. Phil has left the building.)

Moving on...

After I told my brother of my new employment he suggested that I become a psychiatrist-- "when you helped me with my problems, it's what I expected to hear from a therapist." David's concerns rarely surpassed school bullying and name-calling, but I was flattered nonetheless (wink, wink, wink--- this really did happen, I'm not just making it up for the benefit of my employer...).

I'm also thinking about getting a Sidekick T-Mobil Messaging device. This way I can browse the internet, instant message and check email at any time, in any place. (That gets service.) It could be a great show-prep tool (I can receive last minute messages from guests and read the Progress Report whenever it comes out...)

My new job will require me to listen and reflect, I think I can handle that-- troubled children...I'll just take them to Dunkin' Donuts and buy them one of those Chocolate Blast Cappuccinos (and no, they're not lime green). I've had 4 in the past 2 days, and I still can't get enough... I strongly suggest that you drive down to your local Dunkin Donuts/Baskin Robbins franchise and order yourself a large serving.

I just might see you there…

Stop fooling, start working

I'm finally ready to sit down and work on the chapters. I have a Friday deadline to send them to publishers. Keep your fingers crossed and I'll keep you posted.

I came home from work today to find my uncle at the house. This wasn't all together a bad thing but it illuminated my ever-eroding relationship with my family. We were once extremely close-- a tight family unit. Now we have nothing in common-- I even chose work over spending a week in their company (talk about A-J!). More on this later.

Sunday was spent reminiscing with old Governor School suitemates. There's really no connection there-- they're friendships of convenience. Which got me thinking-- what separates us into meaningful friends or filler? A mutual understanding and respect? A desire and care for a connection? This is something well worth exploring...But for now I have no easy answers, and no time to dig further. The book awaits.

A rollercoaster ride

Whole weeks aren’t as eventful as a single Saturday. I’m in an honest mood, so let’s reflect.

I spent the morning helping Bree move. All in all an enjoyable and social experience-- we chatted about the radio show, laid out a roadmap for the book and planned a Monday meeting to edit 60-second promos and one-hour best-of compellations. These will be sent off to different radio stations where they will be used as filler.

Bree reminds me of Martin. (Scary!) I have wanted to re-connect with Martin but have yet to find the courage to call him. Bree fills Martin’s roll: he acts as my motivator and goal setter. Still, the similarity in personality type is both eerie and logical.

I arrived home at 3pm (in time for my father’s birthday party) and sneaked upstairs to check my mail. In my inbox I found a resignation letter from Bruce, informing me that he was leaving his position as co-host of ‘The Luske-Volsky Show,’ “effective immediately.” I reflexively called his house.

As part of my efforts to re-design the website I had reworked the opening paragraph of the site to exclude his name. This was not a symbolic action. Instead it was an attempt at pithiness. A work in progress—a paragraph I planned to change to include both of our names. The omission lay in a lack of time, not disrespect.

Bruce interpreted my error (for which I apologized, realizing that it did look bad) as a deliberate (although he did state that he thought it may have been an unconscious effort on my part) attempt to discredit his work and diminish his contribution. I assured him that his assumption was erroneous and asked him to return to the program. Upon hearing my reasoning he relented and I’m happy to report that both Bruce and I will still be heard every Monday 7-9pm.

I was taken aback by his abrasiveness and hurt by his interpretation of my actions. But I also realized my mistake. I should have never sacrificed his name to pith—but again; the opening paragraph was a top candidate for change. I hope that Bruce’s feeling of insecurity don’t further cloud his judgment. (I write this with regret for my role in his paranoia.)

The guests arrived at 4 and I took it upon myself to entertain my former dance partner, her friend and boyfriend. They had visited me last year and were collectively delighted at (what some have referred to as) my new-found “bad boy image.” We made appropriate small talk and retired to comfortable societal roles. Marsha (my former dance partner) acted as the ditzy blond (think Chrissy on ‘Three’s Company’), Asia (our friend) and Raymond (her boyfriend) did their best to remind us that they were dating. (I played the role of host and tried my best to discover Kinnelonian excitement, to no avail).

Needless to say after 3-hours, our game became unbearably trite. I was delighted to receive a call from Lisa. The visibility of Asia and Raymond only reminded me of my single-status. Tonight, I thought, could be a good opportunity to‘re-connect’ with a past fling—a chance for “my dry years to see some rain.” (Lyrics from a Martin song… I know, I know…trying to be discreet… should I be?)

Lisa escorted our group to Dunkin’ Donuts and later accompanied me to a small café--coincidentally located directly across the street from Martin’s apartment. We chatted about school, Chomsky, and summer plans (an odd coupling.) It was there that any chance of rain dried up.

She has moved on… with a boyfriend.

OK, so a bit embarrassing and pathetic-- good thing I didn’t add to the awkwardness by suggesting a night cap. Instead I made myself another pathetic resolution—(a my dad’s birthday-party-day resolution)—to pursue J-Z with the same passion that I practice A-J. Now it’s my turn to fill in the gaps.

Lets hope the weather holds out

A busy weekend ahead-- helping Bree move on Saturday, heading back home for my father's birthday party in the afternoon, then back out for a Governor School Suite K reunion Sunday morning. Maybe even some "Kate fun" Sunday evening, but as always, nothing is for certain.

Lots of excitement for the July 13th Washington D.C. pilgrimage. Clinton is speaking! And another chapter might come out of it all, we'll just have to wait and see. Combining Clara and politics, priceless. (Brian and Danielle might be coming with me-- we'll settle this personality thing once and for all! JK)

The laptop is still in collapse--back-to-back Roseanne re-runs leave little time for technical send-in arrangements. It'll have to wait.

In other news: my brother is now a Green Day 'Broken Dreams' fan-- we'll have to work out and listen to WRRV together. They grow up so fast...

Details of the weekend to follow...