Personal Thoughts

I've decided to write again!

2008-05-01T00:20:00.001-05:00

I rediscovered this blog today and the memories of '05 came flooding back. I don't want to forget my life. I will write again. Soon....

Igor finally updated the blog!

2005-10-28T01:18:00.000-05:00

I guess this would be as good a time as any to file a new entry. Many have asked, and today I return. (If you consider this a day-- it is very early in the morning). But before I get into things, a few things of note: (1) the blog will be moving back to http://igorvolsky.blogspot.com (I won't pay for the igorvolsky.com domain name any longer) (2) I will again attempt to update more often, perhaps once a week.

Things are good. I got a new much shorter hair cut and some new cloth-- my mom and I spent an otherwise gorgeous rainy afternoon shopping and sipping coffee at Cafe Eclectic. I always feel a bit awkward around Montclair, NJ. The cafe itself rests underneath the window of my one time friend Martin, and since our falling out-- this is something most of you know about-- I’ve always felt awkward in what is sometimes referred to as “Jersey’s NY.”

Midsemester break ended and I arrived back at Marist-- a place I could not wait to get to. In fact, I did not spend a single whole day at home. I arrived on a Friday, after saying a cigarette filled good-bye to Jeremy who was staying at school, and promptly met with Mary.

While at her house, we started a bond fire and I fell into the Lake. For the untraveled, Mary lives in a lake community and her backyard is-- a lake! The bonfire was on the bank of this lake, in a large old pot. But one of the tiles around the fire was missing, cracked by the weight of the pot. Moments after Mary's friends cautioned me, I stepped into the missing tile area and my shoes filled with lake water.

Moments later, Mary's younger sister was standing around the fire, when a flame hit her pants, catching them on fire. Dumb stricken, Chelsea panicked and ran waist deep into the water. We broke out laughing and Chelsea had wet feet. I felt better about myself.

The next day was full of errands. I wanted to get a hair cut, buy cloth, tapestries for my bed at Marist and groceries for the apartment. The first required an unprecedented deal of preparation. I logged online and goolged "shaggy men's haircuts." This picture came up.

I phoned Mary, Brian and Jeremy to ask them for their opinions. Mary hated it, calling it high maintenance and "metro sexual", Brian disliked it, claiming that "I just can't see you with it," and Jeremy, well, he couldn't make up his mind.

Desperate for a change, I went for the hair cut. By then, I had grown tired of my long hair, constantly invading my eyes and precluding productive studying. Plus I always looked weird in pictures and the drying time was excessive.

The appointment was set for 1:30pm. I was scheduled with Richie B., my hair-person from the summer. In July he had cut my hair with a razor and the masochist in me wanted to go back. But, being the procrastinator that I was, I left the house at 1pm and missed the appointment.

Luckily we rescheduled for 2 and my mom and I headed to Cafe Eclectic for some refreshments. Ever since I'd left for college we've had difficulty communicating. She wanted to know about my college life, and I had very little I could tell her. Our conversations were spent analyzing my housemates or questioning my activity. This visit was somewhat different. My mom began telling me about her childhood and I in turn was more open to conversation (that did not involve me!).

By 9pm we had cut my hair (quit fashionably I might add), and done the shopping. I ate quick dinner at home, watched some satellite Russian television and prepared to take off for college. I was in such a rush to leave that I forgot to say goodbye to my 11-year-old brother, David.

And where my mom and I drew together, my brother and I drifted apart. Being 8 years younger than me David has built himself into a world of video games, computer games and internet chat/forum boards. He cares little (and understandably so of course) about my experiences in college and has characterized me, as I have him in some respect, as a visiting, but distant family relative. I hope that this will change with age and effort.

College couldn't be better. I enjoy most classes and do well socially. While Terrorism and Arab culture have disappointed (the former is taught by a distracted, distant and apathetic professor, while the latter is an elementary survey course) Gender, Policy and Law has exceeded all expectations.

The class is taught by a brilliant and insightful professor. Dr. Eckert invites controversy, facilitates thought provoking insight and provides opportunity for idea formulation. The socialization and politicization of feminism is, itself a rich and telling topic, presented properly it’s amazingly fascinating.

Nights are filled with recreation. Mornings run into afternoons. That's my world. (More later, in about a week).

Credited with policy

2005-09-20T12:18:00.000-05:00

Yesterday Bruce [Luske] and I hosted the first "Luske-Volsky Show" of the season. Dead air could have sounded better. Our levels were jumpy, the guests were cranky and we were tired. Even the political website is defunct-- my current service provider, NetFirms is not compatible with the new script designed by TemplateTunning. I must buy a new provider and transfer the project. But even this is problematic.

Woxcom, the compatible server is having problems with their pay service PayPal. I have to wait for the problem to resolve itself before proceeding with my project. Needless to say, my sails are windless.

I've also been trying to write politically-- but every time I sit down to draft ideas, I distract myself with various forms of entertainment. Perhaps I should plan for today, before (and instead of) thinking about tomorrow (a.k.a. take Brian’s advise.)

At least my relationship is strong and my classes are fascinating. "Gender policy and politics" has proven to be orgasmic. We debate issues of gender in Supreme Court cases and study the impact of gender bias on law and politics. The readings generate high-level discussions and the hour and a half flies by in a minute. The next class is Thursday and I'm already itching to do the reading and present my case. (We have been divided into presentation groups to explain and opine on a Supreme Court decision.)

I'm also in sync with my "Terrorism" class (did you know terrorism was used in post-colonial liberation movements i.e. the Jewish fight against the British in Palestine and the Albanian struggle against France etc.?) and my "Arab Culture and Perspectives" course.

The latter is taught by a Palestinian professor with first hand experience in Lebanese refugee camps. Before watching a documentary on Palestinian refugees living in the Gaza Strip, I shared my nomadic history with Professor Hajjaj (this is a 3-hour night class so we had time) -- born in the Ukraine in '86, moved to Israel in '91 and to America in '93.

The DVD offered a humanitarian view of the Palestinian plight and visibly upset Professor Hajjaj. Our second instructor offered to show us "the Jewish side" of the conflict; professor Hajjaj glared at me accusatorily. As Brian said, when I relayed this experience to him, "you did set Israeli policy at the age of 6..." so we’ll see if my grade suffers…

A face lift Joan Rivers could be proud of

2005-09-13T12:21:00.000-05:00

My political website is getting a facelift. It's been some time coming but the reveal should take place tomorrow (Wednesday) over at www.politicalthought.net. I hope you all can make it.

This week should be filled with work and concentration-- I have invested little time in academia and politics; it's time to get my parents' monies worth. Luck for me, fall semester holds great promise-- I'm taking classes on Arab culture, modern terrorism and myths of gender. This blog will serve as an extension of class discussions and (as always) a space for personal reflections.

Keep reading and I'll keep writing, I promise.

Why is Igor writing another blog?

2005-09-10T19:46:00.000-05:00

I'm sitting on the couch with Kirsten. Kirsten just spoke oin her cell phone-- "they just called" she told me. That means that we'll be leaving soon, since they are here. I'm very anxious to leave, with them. Kirsten tell me they're a lot of fun and I believe her.

Jeremy is dj-ing again-- he's become the house music man. Because the self-proclaimed expert, Jacob Meade-- our visitor from Connecticut College (looked at it, not impressed) did not know about Don Hanley, the front man for the Eagles. It's an emberassing moment, as you can all well imagine. To be defeated so easily.

Brian is sitting on the couch, next to me. He has a pretty bad case of "restless leg syndrome", what Dr. Nahmias, my favorite SleepTech physician calls, "RSN." It's the same thing, even the symptoms are similar. We had to go for a walk. Well, first we walked, then we ran- ultimately, we jogged. But not like those crazy athletic joggers you see at 6am-- we're not as intense. Running takes dedication, and conviction. Brian and I lack these qualities. I can only speak for myself. So don't hold him accountable.

Steph is on the phone with her roommate. She's seeing her next week, when she goes back to college. But she'll be out soon-- the roommate cannot possibly be more stimulating then the E4 residents and their guests. But Brian tells me that she's been on the phone with "for a while" I guess we are pathetic.

Lighter fun

2005-09-10T18:32:00.000-05:00

I'm sitting here, in Marist College, playing with lighters. Yes, it is what we all pay $30,000 a year for-- the opportunity to play with lighters. We can't do it at home; we're only permitted to play at school. So this is why, dear parents, we are anxious to go back each summer; it's the lighters. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

And for the record a safety lighter lighter is no different than a non safety lighter lighter.

The first step towards "just say no!" (See, Nancy Reagan was useful for something!)

2005-07-25T21:17:00.000-05:00

Relationships facilitate development. In this sense, they are inherently selfish. Over the past few weeks I’ve learned--with no help from the Reagans,-- that I never turn down an opportunity. This has both positive and negative connotations. While opportunity opens new doors, it sometimes forces me to place the wishes of others above my own needs. Consider the case of The Citizen Magazine. Elaine, the editor, asked me to write an article, and I accepted. Then reality hit. Busy weekends and even busier weekdays prevented any serious composition. Work and friends were kept above the political fray.

"I want to write my pieces with passion and dedication. My efforts would be lackluster otherwise—and right now, I simply don't have the time." This was the gist of the email. There were no apologies or regrets. Writing for the magazine would stretch time to its breaking point. It's a sacrifice I don't have to make. Besides, I'm much happier with others.

Oh, what a week!

2005-07-17T22:26:00.000-05:00

I've been checking my hits and you've been checking the blog. Thanks for the attention. (As you know, I'm just not very good at dealing with it.) But enough about you... here is what's new with me: I have entered a wonderfully unexpected romantic relationship..... and I got a hair cut.

My parents don't like my hair, and they probably wouldn't like the relationship either. But that's okay... I'm all about defying them anyway. Text book teenage hood is what I'm going for. I have six months left (until I'm 20), and a lot of time to make up for.

First on the relationship and then, of course, (I can't help myself) the hair.

A quick overview for the perceptive (aka 'you're so vain you probably think this song is about you'): we're rooted in a strong friendship, a comfortable tacit understanding and a magical connection-- that's more than anyone could ever ask for. I'm in ‘missing mode’ already.

Now to the hair: Shorter but not short. Styled but not shaped. Shaggy but not hippie. A picture is forthcoming.

Washington D.C.: The Campus Progress Conference was covered by the Washington Post (in two separate articles) AND Sunday Morning television. I will be posting President Clinton’s speech on the political website, if you're interested-- but very inspirational, informative and intriguing (can't think of more "i" adjectives, sorry). The rest of the speakers, including the morning panel of Paul Begala, Thomas Frank and Company were also insightful (ah! got one.) Thomas Frank agreed to a radio interview as Paul Begala and I locked eyes for a good 10 minutes.

Brian and I stayed in the heart of Washington D.C. (thank you, Mr. B!), just blocks from the convention center. The one day political gathering was fallowed by humid sightseeing (we went to the mall, the American National Museum of History and bathed in the WWII memorial water fountain) and relaxation. Our strolls were often interrupted by the D.C. Beggars. According to Clara--the D.C. political authority-- Congress selfishly contains city taxes to a minimum-- hence the lack of social services and obvious poverty.

Overall, the D.C. experience left me energized. On the drive back, between takes of "The Honeymoon," James Paterson's latest audio book thriller, I received a call from Elaine Fernandez, the publisher of The Citizen, a local Hudson Valley magazine. She reported good news: the magazine has tripled its distribution numbers and is in need of a political commentator. That's where I step in. I can use the publication as a promotional springboard for the radio show and as another excuse to write and research politics. I'm already hard at work on my first assignment (or at least I will be on Monday). The deadline is July 24th, so be sure to keep me honest.

The summer stupor is over-- and like a French Fry fryer, I'm plunging myself deep into the cooking oil of Washington politics. But fries are only good in moderation. Saturated fat can lead to heart disease, heart failure, and death (and in my case, I can't even sue!). But I intend to leave plenty of room for matters of the heart. Balance is key.

Carefully observing and recording

2005-07-02T11:39:00.000-05:00

I've been skimping on the blog. This past week (Monday-Friday) has been, in a sense-- although I don't necessarily feel like anything about me has changed-- life altering. Experience and direct feedback suggest immediate revelation. I'm holding out for now (taking a page from Amanda Waass's blog), more will be reported as "the situation" develops further. (Pardon the dramatic framing.)

For news I can talk about-- after six hours and God-only-knows-how-many takes, Sara and I (well, she did all the work, I merely pressed a button) recorded an 8-song demo cd. The songs will be posted on the blog for your downloading pleasure. Stay tuned.

Brian and I had a good weekend... great discussions, strong NH things and he met some of my friends (Mary, Sara and Clara.) But we ran into a problem. My mom issued '39' disclaimers, warning me against confessing Brian’s sexuality to my father and uncle. Because of this, the location of our July 9th get together has been moved to Blake's house-- we won't be able to go into the city, the comedy club, or the Russian party.

Until just recently I was barely speaking to my mother-- too busy feeling horrible for the entire mess. But there is nothing I can do: I've tried, unsuccessfully, to change them.

Upcoming attractions:
July 3: Grandmother from Israel arrives
July 8-10: College-friend get-together (hopefully)
July 13-17: Off to Washington D.C. with Brian

Developments and considerations

2005-06-25T16:48:00.000-05:00

Brian is down for the weekend and since I couldn’t think of a way to hide him from my mother, I broke down and informed her of his multi-day (which requires sleeping) visit. She took it rather well, asking me if I thought I was gay and announcing that if I were, she would hang herself. (Which, as you could imagine, was a very stupid thing to say, since if I were, I would still want her to live—she raised me well in that regard.)

In more exciting and serious developments, I’ve discovered the wonders of Facebook. Since I joined the fad, I’ve received several emails from lost Livingston connections (aka friends of convenience). But on Tuesday, one Facebook message threw me off my chair. My first girlfriend from 8th grade messaged me! She’s a year younger and will attend Cornell in September.

We’re cutting “Luske -Volsky” down to an hour, and Brian has been accepted to the July 13- Clinton D.C. conference (we’ll be staying with Clara). The very first season of Roseanne is coming to a Wal-Mart near you on August 30th and Clara is pressuring me to leave Marist (since, she says, without Bree, the radio station might go under)—I’m not jumping the gun but there are some things I must consider.

Advisor/Technician to WMAR 'let go' (sorry Jeremy no follow-up interviews)

2005-06-18T10:41:00.000-05:00

I had just come off a good Friday show. I checked my email and opened what seemed like a harmless "webcast, site" subjected message from the radio advisor...

"the new site looks great. i was having trouble accessing the audio parts though. i wonder if marist is doing some network stuff? check it out and let me know maybe it's my computer only. you may hear that i was let go by the college. i'll tell you the story on that later."

I had just seen him on Sunday, and all seemed well. He recently bought a house, took on a mortgage and began publishing research. What happened in the course of a single week? I don't know... but I'll find out. I owe a lot to my advisor, and I wish him the best. Much more on this later.

This week was consumed by work decisions and conference arrangements. As I've written before, I was recently hired to be a behavioral assistant, helping troubled kids. I've been assigned three cases (although I have yet to meet with any of them) and could financially (and eventually) make the full leap from SleepTech.

But several factors must be considered: (1) SleepTech is more stable, work is always available (2) but it is also a very restrictive environment-- no loud laughing or noises. I've been told to bottle my enthusiasm, and not for retail either.

Behavioral assistance seems more flexible and enjoyable. But I'm not sure if it's constant. Perhaps I'll wet my feet with these initial cases, ensure that I like the work, and then hand SleepTech my resignation.

One thing I'll miss is the drama. SleepTech is full of characters. From the annoying secretary with a box fetish (she can't pass a box without opening it or wanting to open it), to the snotty human resources manager who can't stop talking about her children (in a very condescending manner), SleepTech would make quite the sitcom. My co-worker Nancy and I have been hard at work at a manuscript and a resignation would most certainly put a damper on the project.

In other news... Brian and I are slated to attend the Bill Clinton conference in July. But Brian's application is still under consideration, no decision has been made-- and it's been weeks. The matter is time sensitive. I have to take days off from work (as does Brian) and make plans to visit with Clara (a dear friend who is currently interning in D.C.). If he's rejected (which I can't imagine happening) I'll have to go alone, if I go at all.

That’s all for now. More on the advisor and my very disturbing conversation with Clara will be forthcoming (and yes, it is about my sexuality-- which believe it or not... was in question! Apparently, I'm "enthusiastic and excitable" enough to raise questions...). Details to follow.

Business, tv and coffee

2005-06-12T09:59:00.000-05:00

I attended nice party for Mary's friend Sarah last night--we had lots of free New-Hampshire type things and everyone had a good time. (I brought Krispy Kreme Doughnuts.) Mary and I took one car-- with the understanding that she was our designated driver. Having had her fun, Mary has since cut back on activity and is now "49-years-old and in search of a husband."

Which reminds me...

My desire to attend a wedding has forced me to open my first business: "Husbands for Mary Inc." Eligible bachelors, apply here. We should pitch this love search idea to MTV, it's quiet original. Maybe they'll even film the wedding... 'heck, even I'd marry Mary to be on MTV'.... (yes, that's the sales pitch...)

But old habits die hard and we stayed the night. Which was fine and dandy since I got to watch MTV's NEXT dating show. The off-sceen host (all you heard was a narration voice, much like Mary Alice in Desperate Housewives-- and we all know what happened to her) kicks things off with a rhetorical question--"Ever wish you could bail in the middle of a bad date? NEXT is the new MTV show that lets you do just that. We'll set you up on 5 dates. The minute you get annoyed, just say "NEXT."-- and the game begins.

The contestants' scripted lines are as ridiculous as the quotes in our country lyric roundup. But, like Desperate Housewives, this show is the ultimate guilty pleasure-- especially in New Hampshire (I'm so stealth... even I don't understand my own insinuations). Check your local listings for date and time and stay tuned for Personal Thought's NEXT Roundup. (I can see the website traffic soaring now...)

Lots to get to today-- the FASFA, a Blockbuster movie and my 2 Averatecs. Should I return this new one? Maybe I should set up a poll and let you (all 8-10 of you) decide... but first, off to Dunkin' Donuts for love.

Can't move past it

2005-06-11T16:56:00.000-05:00

I wanted something fresh and exciting-- I'm tired of the old boring earth tone colors and lines. Hope the spheres aren't too distracting. We can always change the template.

My thanks to everyone who participated in the monthly (what will become the monthly) country music round-up. 'Drugs or Jesus' won by one vote (out of three.. but that's okay this feature will catch on soon enough...).

I'm starting to question the wisdom (my parents have always argued against the idea) of driving to Marist and hosting the radio show during the summer. Perhaps I'm in a lazy stupor, but the commute (and even some of the content) is turning into a drag. I seem to have lost my motivation-- as you could surmise by checking the date of the latest post on the political blog.

It's difficult to justify a four-hour (weekly) commute. I don't know how many listeners I have and I'm getting tired of the same trite talking points, topics and guests. The Luske-Volsky Show remains guestless (due to our late live air time) while Political Thought is still a one-man operation. The difficulty of technically running the program while simultaneously hosting it jeopardizes program content and quality.

In a span of 60 seconds, I must rush to archive the proceeding segment, call my next guest, re-adjust all volumes etc... I don't even have the luxury of 10 seconds to gather my thoughts and muster out a comprehensive segment introduction. Bottom line: if I can't do a quality show, then I won't do a show.

On Thursday, Kate (my 3rd Kinnelon-based friend. Back in high school Kate termed our 3-person group 'the tribal council') asked the Russian Taxi Service (me) to pick her up at the bus stop. She interns at Coach and was coming home from the city. I hadn't seen her since the time I got lost looking for the lake, trying to virtually smoke cigarettes with Jeremy, and literally jumped at an opportunity to catch up with her.

On the ride to Veggie Heaven (our mutual restaurant of choice, something my college friends will experience during our July gathering. Incidentally, Brian might be coming down the last weekend in June.) I filled Kate in on the latest "personality developments." She agreed with the pack.

I desperately attempted to name a single apolitical college relationship, but was unable to do so and conveniently fell back on Terry's positive assessment. She highlighted his age (sorry Terry) and dismissed his comments. ("Yes Igor, older people will not be intimidated and pushed away by the politics... we have to focus on your peers!")

I had to give in-- my self-image (as a not very political, open and approachable person) contrasts greatly with how I am perceived. But Kate came to the rescue and concocted a 3-point action plan to shake off the discrepancies. Tofu, hot tea and pancakes can be very energizing. Here is the basic break-down: (1) stop talking about politics (2) become well-versed in other topics (3) form new apolitical hobbies/interests. (This I've already begun to do, as demonstrated by my New Hampshire get-away).

I have to divide my political halve (A-J) from the rest of my personality (J-Z). Hence the new screen name (IgorToZ), blog layout and picture. (To contrast sharply with the political website). These changes are cosmetic. Deeper personal growth (in other areas outside of politics) will require an abandonment (to some degree, for the time being) of greater political ambitions.

The show, the blog, and the book will all slow down. I had thought that they would bring me satisfaction. Instead, they moved towards isolation. I have pushed my family away and boxed myself into a single-person cell. It's time for me to break out of the shell and step out of my comfort zone.

In technology news, I bought another Averatec laptop with the thought of "borrowing" its Startup-cds and using them to re-boot my broken laptop. Funny thing is, Avaretec has stopped manufacturing external disks, instead they've decided to internalize them!

When I opened the new laptop box, I saw the following messsage (written on paper shaped like a disk)

"Looking for Your Instant Recovery Software? When you need it, it's there. No
need to locate a recovery CD to restore your software settings, it's already
pre-installed on our notebook hard rive."

I'm stuck with a broken laptop and a new "barrowed" (I have 15 days to return it) computer I must be very careful with (if I want a full refund). I just can't win.

Country music, a source of endless entertainment

2005-06-08T23:41:00.000-05:00

This will become a regular feature on the blog-- the country-lyric roundup! It all started with set-painting and Tim McGraw's Drugs or Jesus:

Everybody just wants to get high
Sit and watch a perfect world go by
We're all looking for love and meaning in our lives We follow the roads that lead us To drugs or Jesus

Tonight I turned on Jay Leno and heard his colleague, Toby Keith. Keith's latest song rivals even Jesus. Below is "As Good as I Once Was," for your consideration--

i aint as good as i once was i got a few years on me now but there was a time
back in my prime when i could really lay it down and if you need some love
tonight then i might have just enough i aint as good as i once was but im as
good once as i ever was

Toby comments on the song: "Probably my favorite song on the album...The first verse is about being with a woman, two is about fighting, and three is saying don't sell me short because I'll surprise you. "

Here is an audio sample: listen (Real Player required)
Don't forget to take the poll on the right!

Before I go to bed...

2005-06-08T22:42:00.000-05:00

Three more things (in order of importance):

I just explained to my 11 year old brother what a tampon is/does (a link for the confused)
If you liked Memento, you'll love Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
I joined The Facebook

Scottish shake-up

2005-06-08T21:02:00.000-05:00

I got a new job-- in addition to or in place of my coveted SleepTech position, we'll see. It pays better and the work is more enjoyable. I'll be employed as a behavioral assistant (I believe...). How can one become a behavioral assistant when he himself needs assistance? We're about to find out. More on this as it develops.

At SleepTech I received a call from Mr. Chomsky (a.k.a. Terry). After admitting his igorvolsky.com blog addiction, Terry diagnosed me with MPD (multiple personality disorder). The diagnosis was grounded in personal experience, not medical knowledge. (Although Terry has worked in the medicinal field for the past 3-4 years, his experience extends only to sleep apnea data entry.)

The blog, according to Terry, is too serious and self reflective. I'm a lot more fun in person. (Let’s hope so.) He disagreed with Brian's (and everyone else's assessment-- this might be because he's foreign) tacit and implicit critique of my personality. I'm "goofy" he said, not serious and academic.

This got me thinking. Why is it that Terry found me more outgoing than my other friends? Our interaction rarely transcended the prison confines of the SleepTech administrative offices, yet he placed J-Z (fun and outgoing) ahead of A-J (serious and studious). I found his analysis both refreshing and incredulous.

Consider the following lyrics:

"Well, we all have a face that we hide away forever. And we take them out and
show ourselves when everyone has gone. Some are satin, some are steel, Some are
silk and some are leather. They're the faces of a stranger, But we'd love to try
them on."

The above was sung to me on my way to David's karate studio. Could I be putting on a different face for Terry (and others)? Am I more serious around others? I would characterize myself in Terry's terms-- but most don't and won't. Why is that? (And why the heck am I so concerned about how other people see me?-- I agree with Terry, so the heck with everyone else.) Enough of this self-analysis crap. Even I'm getting sick of it. (Dr. Phil has left the building.)

Moving on...

After I told my brother of my new employment he suggested that I become a psychiatrist-- "when you helped me with my problems, it's what I expected to hear from a therapist." David's concerns rarely surpassed school bullying and name-calling, but I was flattered nonetheless (wink, wink, wink--- this really did happen, I'm not just making it up for the benefit of my employer...).

I'm also thinking about getting a Sidekick T-Mobil Messaging device. This way I can browse the internet, instant message and check email at any time, in any place. (That gets service.) It could be a great show-prep tool (I can receive last minute messages from guests and read the Progress Report whenever it comes out...)

My new job will require me to listen and reflect, I think I can handle that-- troubled children...I'll just take them to Dunkin' Donuts and buy them one of those Chocolate Blast Cappuccinos (and no, they're not lime green). I've had 4 in the past 2 days, and I still can't get enough... I strongly suggest that you drive down to your local Dunkin Donuts/Baskin Robbins franchise and order yourself a large serving.

I just might see you there…

Stop fooling, start working

2005-06-07T16:52:00.000-05:00

I'm finally ready to sit down and work on the chapters. I have a Friday deadline to send them to publishers. Keep your fingers crossed and I'll keep you posted.

I came home from work today to find my uncle at the house. This wasn't all together a bad thing but it illuminated my ever-eroding relationship with my family. We were once extremely close-- a tight family unit. Now we have nothing in common-- I even chose work over spending a week in their company (talk about A-J!). More on this later.

Sunday was spent reminiscing with old Governor School suitemates. There's really no connection there-- they're friendships of convenience. Which got me thinking-- what separates us into meaningful friends or filler? A mutual understanding and respect? A desire and care for a connection? This is something well worth exploring...But for now I have no easy answers, and no time to dig further. The book awaits.

A rollercoaster ride

2005-06-05T00:06:00.000-05:00

Whole weeks aren’t as eventful as a single Saturday. I’m in an honest mood, so let’s reflect.

I spent the morning helping Bree move. All in all an enjoyable and social experience-- we chatted about the radio show, laid out a roadmap for the book and planned a Monday meeting to edit 60-second promos and one-hour best-of compellations. These will be sent off to different radio stations where they will be used as filler.

Bree reminds me of Martin. (Scary!) I have wanted to re-connect with Martin but have yet to find the courage to call him. Bree fills Martin’s roll: he acts as my motivator and goal setter. Still, the similarity in personality type is both eerie and logical.

I arrived home at 3pm (in time for my father’s birthday party) and sneaked upstairs to check my mail. In my inbox I found a resignation letter from Bruce, informing me that he was leaving his position as co-host of ‘The Luske-Volsky Show,’ “effective immediately.” I reflexively called his house.

As part of my efforts to re-design the website I had reworked the opening paragraph of the site to exclude his name. This was not a symbolic action. Instead it was an attempt at pithiness. A work in progress—a paragraph I planned to change to include both of our names. The omission lay in a lack of time, not disrespect.

Bruce interpreted my error (for which I apologized, realizing that it did look bad) as a deliberate (although he did state that he thought it may have been an unconscious effort on my part) attempt to discredit his work and diminish his contribution. I assured him that his assumption was erroneous and asked him to return to the program. Upon hearing my reasoning he relented and I’m happy to report that both Bruce and I will still be heard every Monday 7-9pm.

I was taken aback by his abrasiveness and hurt by his interpretation of my actions. But I also realized my mistake. I should have never sacrificed his name to pith—but again; the opening paragraph was a top candidate for change. I hope that Bruce’s feeling of insecurity don’t further cloud his judgment. (I write this with regret for my role in his paranoia.)

The guests arrived at 4 and I took it upon myself to entertain my former dance partner, her friend and boyfriend. They had visited me last year and were collectively delighted at (what some have referred to as) my new-found “bad boy image.” We made appropriate small talk and retired to comfortable societal roles. Marsha (my former dance partner) acted as the ditzy blond (think Chrissy on ‘Three’s Company’), Asia (our friend) and Raymond (her boyfriend) did their best to remind us that they were dating. (I played the role of host and tried my best to discover Kinnelonian excitement, to no avail).

Needless to say after 3-hours, our game became unbearably trite. I was delighted to receive a call from Lisa. The visibility of Asia and Raymond only reminded me of my single-status. Tonight, I thought, could be a good opportunity to‘re-connect’ with a past fling—a chance for “my dry years to see some rain.” (Lyrics from a Martin song… I know, I know…trying to be discreet… should I be?)

Lisa escorted our group to Dunkin’ Donuts and later accompanied me to a small café--coincidentally located directly across the street from Martin’s apartment. We chatted about school, Chomsky, and summer plans (an odd coupling.) It was there that any chance of rain dried up.

She has moved on… with a boyfriend.

OK, so a bit embarrassing and pathetic-- good thing I didn’t add to the awkwardness by suggesting a night cap. Instead I made myself another pathetic resolution—(a my dad’s birthday-party-day resolution)—to pursue J-Z with the same passion that I practice A-J. Now it’s my turn to fill in the gaps.

Lets hope the weather holds out

2005-06-03T22:25:00.000-05:00

A busy weekend ahead-- helping Bree move on Saturday, heading back home for my father's birthday party in the afternoon, then back out for a Governor School Suite K reunion Sunday morning. Maybe even some "Kate fun" Sunday evening, but as always, nothing is for certain.

Lots of excitement for the July 13th Washington D.C. pilgrimage. Clinton is speaking! And another chapter might come out of it all, we'll just have to wait and see. Combining Clara and politics, priceless. (Brian and Danielle might be coming with me-- we'll settle this personality thing once and for all! JK)

The laptop is still in collapse--back-to-back Roseanne re-runs leave little time for technical send-in arrangements. It'll have to wait.

In other news: my brother is now a Green Day 'Broken Dreams' fan-- we'll have to work out and listen to WRRV together. They grow up so fast...

Details of the weekend to follow...

Frustration leads to an eventual relief (well sort of)

2005-05-31T21:42:00.000-05:00

The laptop is still down. I called Avaratech support and they were about as helpful as my grandmother in identifying the problem. The recovery disks don't seem to work and unless I figure something out I will (1) have to find someone with working recovery disks (wink wink) (2) send the laptop in for repair.

My weekend was a lot less exasperating. Spending Memorial Day Weekend in New Hampshire, with friends, was the buffer I needed. I had started working at SleepTech the Monday after school ended and have since wined about not taking more time off. Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday provided the perfect opportunity. Needless to say, doing a whole lot of nothing while engaging in a whole lot of something was exciting, relaxing, and enjoyable—as advertised. (Is that opaque enough for you?)

I thoroughly enjoyed learning about: the Prince of Ghana, Lilly's barking patterns, Brian's driving skills, Jeremy’s amazing sense of navigation (we were betting he would never find us) the very generous hospitality of Mr. and Mrs. B (who made me an egg-McMuffin breakfast sandwich!!), Badnarik's new-found New Hampshire celebrity status, Jeremy's ability to (a) identify my voice before I could introduce myself—(I would make a horrible Russian spy, really an embarrassment to the institution) (b) his remarkable phone patience for our multi hour phone marathon (part of it spent sitting in a shall-we say rather disgusting parking lot).

A great many thanks to both Brian and Jeremy--- we should make this a Memorial Day Weekend tradition.

On to the frustration (and relief):

Someone once told me that I'm a very one-dimensional person. I didn’t believe them, until this weekend. Consider the following:

Brian and I were playing pool (Sunday morning) and discussing the romantic relationship in "Joe College," a book both him and I were familiar with. I linked the fictional romance in the novel to my relationship with Lisa. Brian responded with the following: "Jeez Igor, [I know what you’re thinking he could have at least used ‘oy vay!’] I can't even envision you in a relationship or being romantic...I can only see you writing academic papers." (Pardon the loose quoting).

This got me thinking.... if our personality is like an alphabet whose letters (A-Z) represent the spectrum of humanity, then most people can only relate to me in A-J (a completely imaginary personality component that for my purposes includes academia, work , studying etc...).

J-Z is rarely explored or seen. This was confirmed by both Danielle and Clara. But if I'm only defined by a single side or dimension then I could only befriend (in a platonic or romantic friendship) equally bold A-Jers.

Here, size matters. A-J is a fairly narrow spectrum and is as satisfying as a small (2 x 4) blanket on a cold winter night. In other words, if my friendships revolve around A-J and my friends find it difficult to relate to me on other levels (components, J-Z) then other interests (needs etc...) will go unmet.

Panic stricken, I began making phone calls. I wanted to both identify the problem and find a solution. Danielle and I decided (after 3 hours on the phone) that I intimidate people. At work I quizzed Nancy on why I'm unapproachable in the J-Z categories. But none of this helped. Finally I called Laura.

She told me that everyone has their A-J (for some it's academics, for others it's automobiles—these traits act as hooks to pull people in) but friendships develop beyond J, towards Z. She referenced our friendship and my relationship with Clara. In both instances I’ve been able to transcend mere academia. Life provides us with the opportunity to mature, grow and change. With opportunity comes movement towards the Z (a full and comprehensive understanding).

Now if only Laura was as technologically savvy as she is intelligent...

Laptop crash

2005-05-31T12:54:00.000-05:00

The laptop has gone under; hopefully no information has been lost. Here is a tease for this evening's post: Lots to tell of the holiday weekend-- including a 3-hour analysis 'personality' conversation-- we reached some epiphanies (I'm not gonna lie). Brace yourselves. I should be up and running by this evening.

A note on euphoria

2005-05-25T11:07:00.000-05:00

The experience was magical-- My parents (or "rents" as some people like to call them) have satellite television. The package includes two (2) Nick-at-Nites. Last night both channels ran different episodes of Roseanne simultaneously. I was able to flip back and forth avoiding all of the commercials. I find this noteworthy enough to disturb Nancy and publish.

Decency is too much to ask for

2005-05-24T23:57:00.000-05:00

This blog was set up to vent out life's peculiarities. But instead, I used the phone-- to ramble. It's a lot easier to ramble verbally, over the phone (I've come to realize). Maybe I'll use audio blogger in the future...

Here is what I learned: different generations hold different views and beliefs but a respect for humanity, a basic level of morality, should never be abandoned. Easier said than done. To think that those who have been hated can still hate passionately is most depressing. Yet it's an unavoidable reality.

The verdict rests in communication. I'll talk to her before I leave and if she wants to worry, she can do that too. Thanks again for all of your input.

Week in review

2005-05-21T13:40:00.000-05:00

I thought the show went well. I rocketed out of work at 2 (I usually leave at 5), picked Laura up at her house, sped up to Poughkeepsie and screamed into a microphone for two hours. She drove-- I wrote and made phone calls. She's leaving this coming Wednesday-- all the writing, calling and driving will be left to me.

Public service announcement: Stay off the roads Mondays 5-7 and Fridays 2-4. To alleviate the inconvenience I am accepting chauffer applications. No experience is required--a valid driver license is a considerable plus.

The last two nights have been interesting. You'll find a quick summary below (and then I'm off to meet the candidate):

Wed 18: I tried the other type (see post below) and liked it. Went out for a cigarette afterwards and got very lost looking for the lake. Finally found my way home-- was very truthful and honest. (But I can't remember what I said).

Thurs 19: Woke up for work on time (remarkably, with no alarm) and felt a bit tipsy (oddly enough) for the first part of the day. Had a cigarette with a co-worker, calmed down and drove to my Scottish dinner. (All the while calling people in search of a 'Wed repeat,' ultimately to no avail.) Back home around 10pm to host a small beer party with friends.

Friday 20: After work and the show I became a chef. Cooked spaghetti (all in preparation for Gartland of course) with friends while dancing to Russian music. (Laura liked it, said that it sounded like SKA and big band).

Saturday 21: A lounge-around day of doing nothing except for feeling guilty about doing nothing. A “Democratic” party in the afternoon and a Mary/Sarah “Wed. type” activity closer to evening.

I was also offered an analysis of my new 'so-called' bad boy image: "Igor, it's because you have been too good your entire life. I got all the fun stuff out of my system in high school. You didn't. You're doing it now but it's interfering with other responsibilities."

Very true. Lots to do and lots to avoid (doing) tomorrow. (In search of the balance... now off to the party).

Scottish connection

2005-05-17T23:56:00.000-05:00

No time for reflection today either. My co-worker has to go to the airport tomorrow to pick up his family from Scotland (he's Scottish and he has an accent) so I'm flying solo with the all of the scheduling, must get some sleep. But I am mixing it up a bit, went to Borders tonight instead of B & N. (Fancy, I know-- I've now moved from "Confessions of an Economic Hit Man" to "Terror Incorporated.")

The book pitch should be in the mail this Friday (keeping my fingers crossed-- haven't touched it yet-- all this smoking is sure taking up a lot of time...). A different kind of smoking tomorrow (haven't tried that stuff yet) and what promises to be an exciting "Scottish dinner" on Thursday. (My parents are on vacation, I'm all alone at home with nothing to eat. My Scottish co-worker invited me over to dinner at his house (to meet his family). Great food, great people. I'm there).

Big post over the weekend-- no work in the morning, I'll be able to write! (I don't know if I want to quit... it is relaxing... we'll see how it goes, thank you for the comments ).

Out of school but still procrastinating

2005-05-16T23:44:00.000-05:00

Some reflection is long over due-- it's coming, I promise. Just please don’t fine me like they do in the library. Trying to juggle work (oh, lots to tell there!), book (coming along nicely, thank you very much) and research (staying at Barnes and Noble until it closes, just reading without buying anything).

The cliché end of first year of college entry is also on its way (keep your pants on Amanda). Right now, it's time for cigarettes (just don't read the entry below this one) and relaxation with Mary. A thorough post tomorrow—who knew cloth could be so expensive!? ($74 for 2 pairs of shirts and 2 pairs of pants—no longer need to barrow from Jeremy. I’m finally becoming independent).

There is a purpose

2005-05-10T09:38:00.000-05:00

There is some guilt associated with the smoking. I'm quitting once I get home-- one pack of nasty Winstons in my pocket-- it's Tuesday--4 days of smoking left. After that, no more. Right now it's just another work distraction. That is its purpose. (See, it's not pointless!)

My first final is on Thursday, so I have some time to procrastinate-- unfortunately.

Sleepless in Poughkeepsie

2005-05-09T02:48:00.000-05:00

Here I am lying in my bed, unable to sleep at 3:31am. I just finished watching DH and Grey's Anatomy. The tape wouldn't play on my roommate’s VCR so I had to hijack a TV from next door. (Just make sure you return it tomorrow morning Igor). DH is very soap-operish... I keep on telling myself to stop watching but every Sunday that feeling of anticipation creeps up within me and there is no avoiding it. So watch it I did-- without commercial interruption.

But as I lay here thoughts of summer and umm... finals (which I have yet to study for) keep me awake. Lots to do tomorrow and in the coming days. I leave college on Friday and re-start my summer job (I worked in the same position last year).

The place is called SleepTech. It's a sleep study administration office-- they coordinate and process sleep studies for (almost) the entire tri-state area. Last year I was as an assistant to the Millburn (New Jersey) coordinator. This year I've been delegated to computer work (probably data entry or scanning). More on this later, a full report next Monday.

Radio later today (in almost 12 hours) and I still haven't written the show. The coffee merchants are going to make a fortune off me tomorrow. Lots of group projects and (I'll try) to squeeze in the weekly political column. That has been relegated to the back burner-- grades come first.

I'm going to try and sleep. Lets see if all this writing helped… (maybe if I just get everything on blog, it will clear my head and I’ll be able to sleep)

Procrastination at its finest

2005-05-08T19:09:00.000-05:00

Here I am, still in the library trying to study for finals. The work load is there, the motivation isn’t. I don't' know what it is but I'm always doing things at the last minute. If I don't have the time pressure -- forget it! It's never getting done. So I've opened this new blog while listening to Russian music.

I also have a horrible headache, it's not going away. I took Excedrin, Advil & smoked a cigarette. To no avail. It's not even a migraine any longer--some weird tension headache... maybe I need Excedrin Tension. I don't know. Perhaps a nap might help.

Tomorrow is the final Luske-Volsky show of the semester. But don't worry we'll be on all through the summer. Never going away... OOh, ok no politics on this blog, no promos either. That will be the last of it.

Here's the deal: I'll do all my work after DH and Grey's Anatomy. I promise. (It is rather intimidating sitting in the library and watching everyone else doing work...)

Welcome

2005-05-08T18:27:00.000-05:00

The temptation to blog has been tremendous. I can no longer resist. With the summer I'll have more time for both personal and political blogging. This site will serve as a diary/journal of daily events and occurrences. I have a horrible memory so a personal log is long overdue.

Well, it's finally here-- for now it's just another procrastination tool, soon it will become a memory jogger. It's almost 4:30pm, gotta get to dinner and call my mom. Today is Mother's Day. I'm thinking of changing the template of PT again... any suggestions? (I just don't like the gray).

Speaking of gray... Grey's anatomy tonight at 10pm, right after desperate housewives! (I call this show research)